…and punch everybody in the throat.
(this post is meant to reek of sarcasm and simply be humorous, not to be taken too seriously. also, in the grand scheme of things, i realize this day was not even remotely bad or unfortunate. it was just one of those days that happen.)
that was pretty much all i wanted to do the other day. i was having ‘one of those days’ where nothing was going as it was planned. nothing. as a Type A planner, that doesn’t work too well for me. i’m not really one to just ‘go with the flow’ at the snap of my fingers, although i’m learning the absolute necessity of developing a more flexible attitude.
so, wanna know why i wanted to punch everybody* in the throat?
first, it was an unusually cold day, like 60ish degrees with a cold breeze off the lake. in the summer. why, Chicago? why? YOU KNOW WHAT WE SUFFERED THROUGH LAST WINTER. WHY ARE YOU TORTURING US? so, that was kind of annoying, but tolerable. just throw on a sweater and suck it up, ok? ok.
i met a friend at Eataly. we both expected pretty great things since it’s always jam packed and is the talk of the town. i was entirely underwhelmed and mostly ready to leave by time we finally squeezed ourselves out of the door. with absolutely no direction or help offered, we found ourselves mistakenly standing in line and trying to buy a bottled drink that we wouldn’t even be able to consume while in the store. so, there goes 20 minutes of standing in line for no reason. ok, let’s try just eating. the amount of options that Eataly offers makes it nearly impossible for anyone that’s even slightly indecisive to actually make a decision. we ended up walking around in circles for quite some time trying to figure out what we wanted and where we had to go to get the food. we finally settled on pizza, but weren’t interested in being seated and waited on. thus began the journey of finding an employee that could tell us what to do. WE JUST WANT PIZZA. we placed our order and waited for 10-15 minutes for it to be ready. it was the least-stressful time that i spent inside. once we got the pizza, we wanted some sort of liquid to wet the deserts that had become our mouths. no drinks anywhere to be found. again, we find an employee and ask her where we can go to get a beverage. she directs us to the bar just behind us. duh. we walk up to a bar-top table by the bar to set down our pizza and figure out what we wanted to drink and were immediately greeted by an employee who quickly told us that we actually weren’t allowed to eat our pizza there. apparently, there are designated places where you can eat certain types of food, which could maybe be indicated with some signage but ya know. we get our drinks and walk ourselves over to the annex to eat our pizza, which was delicious. we decided that Eataly just wasn’t the place for us, but we were glad we tried it. i would definitely order food ‘to go’ in the future, but going inside and dealing with the crowds, chaos, and unspecified rules is more of a hassle than an enjoyment.
so, there was that. which really wasn’t bad, but just added to the bizarre day that i had.
after we were done eating, we had to go to a realty office to pick up our lease for our new apartment. the office was nearby, so we just decided to walk. not five minutes into our walk and it starts to mist. which, by the way, is one of the weirdest types of precipitation, no? it doesn’t quite require an umbrella, but will soak you just like actual rain if it lasts long enough. i, of course, opted not to bring an umbrella because i didn’t feel like carrying it around and not using it (because that always happens). rookie mistake. always bring your umbrella. so the mist turned to a drizzle and the wind picked up and then we turned down a street that had us walking directly into the lake wind, which if you’ve lived or visited Chicago, you know what that’s like. it was the type of wind that required you to hold your umbrella parallel to the ground in order to block out the sideways falling rain. sideways rain, i tell you. i had been wearing a maxi skirt, which quickly changed into gaucho pants because the wind was so strong, so i was having trouble walking at my regular fast-pace without tripping all over myself. after what felt like 25 minutes (and was really only 3), we made it in the building.
we weren’t sure where the realty office was, so we asked a front desk attendant and were directed to the opposite end of the mile-long building (not really). of course. why wouldn’t the office be on the side of the building that we could have entered and gotten out of the rain much sooner?
we find ourselves on the floor of the realty office and then things get real. we turn to the left to see the glass doors that read ‘_________ Realty’, let’s just call it ‘Weird Realty’. we made it! we’re soaked and cold, but we made it! we go to open the glass door, since we can see the receptionist just behind the door, maybe 5 feet. the door is locked. we make eye contact so that she knows that there are humans on the other side of the door trying to get in and try the door again. still locked. what do we do now? then the receptionist begins pointing just beyond us. what is she pointing to? we look around and don’t see anything…what is happening? she continues to point and starts mouthing, ‘pick up the phone!’. pick up the phone…what phone?! we don’t see a phone. at this point, i’m just ready to leave…
as she continues to point furiously and tell us to ‘pick up the phone’, we finally do a complete turnaround to spot a phone on a table in the hallway. this phone?, i ask. yes!
i walk over and pick up the phone. it rings twice and then i hear on the other end of the line, ‘hello! welcome to Weird Realty! how can i help you?’ in the cheeriest voice possible. i know that i am not talking to the receptionist that is sitting 10 feet from me behind a glass door. oh no, i am. WHAT IS HAPPENING.
‘um, hey, we’re here to pick up a lease…’
she replies, ‘great! for what building?’
‘umm…(i had forgotten the address) for 1234 Main St’
‘ok! take a seat and someone will be with you shortly!’
a few minutes later, the doors open (so they DO work!) and were greeted by an employee that asks, ‘um…who are you guys?’ oh, hey, yeah, not the greeting i was expecting but i’ll roll with it. we tell her who we are and what were here for and she remembers. i had anticipated being walked back to a conference room or office to sit down and talk through the lease that we were picking up. nope. we’re just going to stand in the doorway of the previously locked door and talk about it in the hallway. ok, we’re still rollin’ with it. after much explanation and questions answered (and people being trying to get in and out of the office looking puzzled as to why we were standing in the doorway. i’m confused, too.) we had our lease and were ready to leave. HALLELUJAH, it’s over.
well, that was certainly bizarre. i will never hear, ‘pick up the phone’ the same way again.
we left and decided we needed to go to Target for some retail therapy. because Target always makes things better, right?
*except babies and kittens. and Tim Riggins**.
**i started watching Friday Night Lights for the fourth time and rediscovered my deep love for Timmy.
